My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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