people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
