We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
