I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
