My liver just broke up with me...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
