Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
