I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
