im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
