Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
