I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
