one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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