If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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