I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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