Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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