I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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