I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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