i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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