My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
