Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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