I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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