Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
