do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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