We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
