i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
