Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
