i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
