I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
