I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
