ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
