I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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