So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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