sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
