What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
