tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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