2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
