I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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