I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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