I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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