help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
