It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
