Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
