i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
