Kareoke will never be a sober sport
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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