thus making me awesome and them whores
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
