I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
