Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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