I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
