It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
