My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
