Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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