I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
