so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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