I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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