Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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