YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
