I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
soo... how was my night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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