So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
