Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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