buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
foreskin is a definite game changer
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
