My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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