Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
