where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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