i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
