And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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