Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
