I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
