Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
