Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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