Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
