I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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