she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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