Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
