It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
