Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
