I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
