if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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