..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
