i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have aggressive nipples.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
