I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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