i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
