Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
