Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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