Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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