splinters make it hard to masturbate
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
