White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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