Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
