Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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