My hand turned me down
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
