I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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