He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it's like iHOP with fire
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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