I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The Olympian is in my bed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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