just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
